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The 5 Stages of Getting Over a Crush

By Saara Mowlana

We’ve all been there, falling for someone you know is just a heated stack of bad news draped in appeal. Then reaching the inevitability of the heartbreak – or bruised egos – such folly brings! I mean, they call it a crush for a reason. But fret not, kindred sombre spirits. For I give unto you, the five vital and completely necessary stages of getting over a crush.


Because nothing comforts self-pity better than good old denial. Thoughts start crossing your mind, like: maybe he/ she/they actually do like me back and just don’t know it yet. I mean, I’m bloody amazing after all. And while denial is a fun blanket cocoon to wrap yourself in, you will eventually have to face the sting of the cold reality just outside of its embrace.


The second stage you’ll reach will seem monumental for a good minute. You’ll finally admit that hey, maybe he/ she/they actually don’t feel the same towards you as you do to them. You’ll even consider that maybe it’s okay and will relinquish in the wave of peace that passes over you, but don’t get too comfortable, because the next step is:


This is possibly the most risky stage of all. It’s a toxic stage where you start placing blame. You’ll dwell on the whys and why nots and the what ifs and could bes. You’ll let the timeless record of ‘WHY NOT ME????!!!!!!!’ play on loop in your head and listen to every revenge song on the market (THIS MUST BE HOW LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO HAPPENED, RIGHT IN THIS TOXIC STAGE). You’ll start blaming yourself for not being worthy and start blaming him/ her/them for not seeing your worth. You may even start fixating so much on being angry that you overlook the reflection this stage could bring, this could then lead to:


Hoarding all of the negative energy from the previous stage can really take a toll on the ‘ol soul. It’s taxing to constantly fret over our perceived shortcomings, especially during such vulnerable times like these. It becomes comfortable to be sad about it and it’s good to get the negative emotions out- whether it’s through tears, ice cream & chocolate or exercise — so be sure to find an outlet that’s positive and try not to dwell too much on sob binge-watching of Rom-Coms you can no longer relate to (not even fictionally) anymore.


Once you’ve braved the storm of the previous two stages you get to the pot of golden relief at the end of the painbow and finally have the peace from stage 2 be a permanent one. You may still feel a pang of stage 3 and 4 in the early days, but it dwindles down to pulp and dust as the days go by. You may even begin to wish the hand-that-has-crushed-you well in their future. If you’re not at this stage yet, this may seem bizarre as heck, but trust the process and brace yourself for the eye of the 5 stage storm.

Those are the five stages of getting over a crush, you may experience some, all, or none of these and maybe I just wrote this as therapy for myself. But to my kindred spirits, I am rooting for you in every stage and am here for the sass and spice of stage 3 if you do end up going ham sammich!

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