Parental Guidance

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By Jessie Leverzencie

Apart from raising us, parents and guardians loved the typical ¨don´t play with fire or you´ll wet
the bed¨ anecdotes and ´parental guidance´. The question of whether these were intended to
protect us or to amuse them, at the expense of our gullible young minds, is still debatable. Read
on for some examples of unconventional ´parental guidance´ given back in the day.
¨Don´t sit under the table, the devil´s there¨- Sarah Boomgaard
¨If you don´t eat your veggies, you´ll never grow tall and strong¨-Darryn Bennett
¨If you misbehave, you´re going to go out with the black bin when the garbage men come. If you
eat a banana before bed, you´ll get nightmares¨- Maxine February
¨Don´t eat the pips of an apple or you´ll grow an apple tree in your tummy¨- Tyla Sissing
“ ’Don´t eat late at night or you´ll get nightmares.’ Forever stuck with me¨- Lauren McDonald
My parents told my brother and I that if you stare at the TV too long your eyes will go square, so
I used to watch TV staring at the window, petrified to look at the screen for even a second. This
lasted a month – Shannyn Sletcher
“Don´t overeat, gluttony´s a sin.” Also, if I had a headache or stomach cramps, it was
´apparently´ because I was on my cell too much – Annonymous
¨Don´t swim after you eat- you´ll get tummy cramps¨-Kristan Wood
¨Eat your carrots or you´ll go blind and need glasses¨- Matthew Golding
¨If you look directly at a full moon, unblinking, your eyes will stay that way forever¨- Kevin (full
name omitted to protect identity)
Bad memories about the boogeyman. Also, if I slept with both hands under my head, I wouldn´t
be bitten by mosquitoes – Anonymous
¨If you eat an apple before bed, you don´t need to brush your teeth¨- Claire van Son

Yes, to all those once tormented by these bits of ´parental guidance´, we sympathize. So,
please, be kind and avoid using these on your own kids one day. But then again, is it not our
duty to carry on age-old traditions? The decision´s yours.

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